When everything in my life is gray and unstable, God is there. God makes all ugly situations somehow seem beautiful. It makes a bunch of rain to create a rainbow.
Oh Lord, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me! Many are saying of me” God will not deliever him.” But you are a shield around me, Oh Lord; you bestow glory on me and life up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers. Me from his holy hill. - Psalm 3:1-4
I dont know why, but that’s been going around in my head a bunch lately. With the Lord I am stronger, even though I may feel weak. He’s holding the tears that I cry. With Him all things are possible. I’ve been blessed this year with so many great opportunities and I’ve thrown them all away because I was so blind by unholy things. I’ve had the choice to make great friends who will help lead me to the face of God, and I threw that away for friends who were “cool” or” popular”. I had the choice though, and I made the wrong one. I wasn’t content with just You alone, God, I wanted the stars and the moon. I’d give You up for material wealth. But now? Its easy to see when you’re stripped of nothing how easy it was to give up something. I want to be in Your life. At the end of the day I want to the the first on Your mind. You are my savior. How quickly we forget. How easily we ignore You. But you died on the cross for me. You care even when I shun you. You hold me tight when I push You away. You are great and mighty. God is love. Thank You for saving me.
Hold on, Hold on
Until the storm is over
And I’ll be fighting for you
Just give me your hand
and hold on
My theatre floor is going to Disney World this summer! And I spent a lot of day crying in peoples arms and I had a generally good day. Shit works itself out, and I’m so glad I have my friends and God. I’m really happy that I accpeted God back into my life, even if I’m sad about the person who helped get me there. life will be okay…
“the darkest hour is just before the dawn”
I’m tired of getting my heart broken. I always think that the next time will hurt less than the first time but it never does. I’m still shaking, and I got really sick last night. But what would it do? Once someone’s mind is made up, why beg and pled and cry if this is the second time it’s happened?
I prayed my heart out last night. I stayed on the floor and I prayed my HEART out for 2 hours last night. Thank you for a 2 hour delay. Somehow it hurts more in the morning. I have an entire day of fucking hell to go through until I get to escape to sleep. Death would be easier.
One of my really good friends was in a car accident last night where she could have died, and I’m so thankful to God that He watches out for me. It was ironic because her and her friend were talking about what would happened if they slipped off the road earlier that morning, and she and I were talking about how people would react if she died. She is in no way suicidal so I didn’t think that much about it, and I know she wasn’t driving and it wasn’t her fault and yet it’s just weird how things work like that. I am so thankful I’m alive. I’m so thankful that God had make the loves of my life, whether it was my family or my friends, I’m so glad that He let them wake up this morning. I’m glad that even people I don’t know woke up this morning. I want to run to the top of the world and tell everyone of this joy that I’m feeling because God works wonders. I’m so thankful to be alive. I’m so thankful everyone is alive.
Oh my gosh…
Me: I still have sex.
Caitlin: Bad girl!
Me: You do too!
Caitlin: I’m on the pill, and OVER 18.
Me: Then don’t cum in me.
Caitlin: Lmfao. I’ll try not to.
Me: Oh my gosh! I meant they!!
Why am I awake? AGAIN?
So I woke up with really bad cramps, I was crying. I wanted someone to cuddle, or to talk to. So I texted some of my friends who I knew would be awake, and while waiting for the replies I tried to cuddle with my dog. He sleeps in my bed now, because it’s the only way that we can sleep at night. I tried to cuddle with him but he barked at me and moved to the far-most side of the bed and growled and went back to sleep. Which doesn’t make sense because he’s a puppy, and he LOVES to cuddle. So I was a little taken aback, but I got over it. I talked to my friends and went to sleep for a little. At six, I was woken up by the sound of my dog peeing on my floor, which he never does. I was upset, but I cleaned it up and took him out. At this point I wasn’t tired so I got on skype and talked to one of my friends until 7:30. I went back to bed and slept for an hour. I was waken up AGAIN at 8:30 by the sound of my dog PUKING on my floor. I was REALLY upset and cleaned it up, and took him out. It’s 9, AND I’ve been up for pretty much five hours. I’m tired. I’m in pain. I want my mommy.
